I'll be your distraction

Hey all, what's up?

*Crickets chirping*
Hey, it's hard to choose you people over the Wii. What have YOU guys ever done for me?

Hell, my Wii'll even tell me the weather in Nairobi, Kuwait, Honolulu, and the South Pole. The funniest part of the Wii Forecast Channel is that Japan is the ONLY country that has different weather symbols associated with it. Everywhere else, the symbols are pretty realistic drawings, while in Japan, the symbols are puffy and Kirby's Dreamland-ish in nature, which amuses me to no end. Then again, I enjoy spinning the virtual globe in the Channel so you can tell I'm very easily amused.

As is the case with many of you, I've been in the final days of the semester, being academically raped by sadistic sociopaths that pose as professors during the day. The best part is my Instrument Theory class, a class that teaches me the theory behind flying aircraft solely on instruments, because, unlike the movies, in real life you really, really can't trust your eyes for distances farther than 1 meter. Had Luke Skywalker turned off his instruments in this day and age, he would have initiated what in aviation is bluntly called 'Controlled Flight Into Terrain'.

Now, it's a federal mandate that students taking this class not get below 80 in any of the tests, otherwise, the course is pretty much considered Failed and must be retaken, no ifs, ands, or buts.

Yeah, no pressure there.

One thing pilots love more than sweet, sweet JET A fumes is acronyms. Pilots are one of the few people on earth that can have entire meaningful, life-changing conversations consisting entirely of abbreviations, short-hand, acronyms and acronyms that aren't acronyms. Check this out-

TJSJ 200356Z 00000KT 10SM FEW030 25/21 A2999 RMK AO2 SLP153

This is a METAR. METAR, being an aviation acronym, obviously stands for 'aviation routine weather report'. Yes, that's the official meaning of the acronym, I shit you not. Now, check it out- TJSJ means it's the San Juan airport, or Luis Muñoz Marin as we all know it. Next comes the date- it's the 20th day, 03:56 Zulu time, or Greenwich Mean Time to all you non-believers. Puerto Rico is -4, so that means that report was issued at 11:56pm local time. All those zeroes is where the wind direction and speed in knots go... Needless to say, winds are calm. Visibility is 10 statute miles, there's a few clouds at 3000 feet, temperature/dewpoint is 25 and 21 Celsius...

Notice all the bullshit I've gotten from that cryptic-ass line of letters and numbers, and I didn't even finish it. If you ever want to feel incredibly left out, just go find two pilots engaged in conversation.

Anyways, back on topic, last week we took our SECOND test of the semester, so that means we had somewhere around four months of gathering material for it- the test covered around half of the book. This test was full of those awesome acronyms, like MEA, MOCA, RCO, MAA, DA, MDA, ARTCC, TCH, TDZE, HAA, HAT, MRA, COP....

Most of the students were considering some sort of ritual mass suicide on the runway, seeing how massive in scale this suppository of a test was gonna be. Some panicked, some just stood stoically, like samurai that do not fear death, but embrace it. I... I did what I usually do, and didn't stress about it as much as I should have. I had fun studying the holding patterns, but other than that, I didn't really pick up the book for anything else, mainly because it's so fucking heavy.

Got an 89 on it- and I was all smiles that day. Seriously, you'd think Scarlett Johansson just gave me a blowjob or something. Best part is, I outscored people I thought had pretty much etched the entire book into their retinas, so you could say it was like Scarlett Johansson gave me a blowjob while Jessica Alba played with my balls.

I'll let that image sink in for a few seconds.

Got it? Ok, moving right along, then. This post has gotten kinda long, so I'm gonna end it here for the time being, however, when we return, I'll talk about Woman Logic .